Driver

I enjoy riding in the cart with my husband when he plays golf, love being outside and being with him.  But after watching the Masters and a few other televised golf tournaments, I began to get a hankering to drive some balls.  I have been invited time and time to be an active participant, but have graciously declined until now.  So I told him that I would love to just practice driving my ball from the ladies tee box after he has driven his. He said well why don't you just play the whole hole...one thing at a time, I just want to drive. So for Mother's Day, a couple of weeks early, I was given a new driver, a pretty one too, white with purple accents, and I joined him yesterday just for nine holes to try it out.  

Now for you golfers, this is going to sound quite lame, but there is something about the sound of the club hitting the teed up ball that I just love.  And really, you can tell a whole lot about how the ball is hit just by listening to the sound. I am out there for pure fun.  No expectations and it is a total contrast to why he is out there.  He wants to play well, I just want to meet the ball and listen for the sound.  Now don't get me wrong, it is a true joy when the ball goes straight and into the fairway, and it did a couple of times but again it was the fun of being out there with my husband and getting to take in the beauty of nature, but now getting to be a participant. 

Lots of times we sit on the sidelines as watchers, not ready or willing to get involved.  But it occurred to me yesterday that getting involved is when and where you learn to appreciate the different aspects of what you have been watching.  Perspectives change, and senses are engaged in ways that they do not respond to when on the sidelines.  The sounds are my greatest example. For example, I told you I love the sound of the driver meeting the ball.  I love the sound of the birds,  the squirrels scurrying through the brush, and even the hum of the gold cart as it makes its way down cart paths. 

Golfing is a rather quiet sport, lots of time for thinking, reflecting and enjoying the outdoors, but lots of time to listen, beginning with the sound of the club meeting the ball.There is such a contrast to hearing the distinctive sound of a ball well hit, vs an almost whiffed ball that piddles down the grass just a few feet ahead. I experienced both. And it made me think of my listening skills in daily life.  Am I careful to tee up my listening skills high so that I can try to understand a message that is being relayed? Or am I so intent on doing the talking, or ensuring that my opinion is being heard, that I am on constant interruption mode? And do my words, in response to my listening,  meet the message with a head on hit or are they muffled with distractions and a haphazard approach that just putters on without any depth?

My husband said that with this driver of mine that you have to tee the ball up high, to get the best effect of the driver.  Well so it is with good conversation, you have to tee up your listening skills high in order to drive the conversation to the maximum effect. There are several verses in the bible that are relative to this topic but these were my top two; one dealing with actual listening skills and the other with understanding.   

James 1:19

[ Listening and Doing ] My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quickto listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 

Proverbs 18:2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.

We might think listening is an easy thing to do, but really listening is difficult; it takes intentionality; it takes discipline and self restraint. Kind of like driving a golf ball. It has to be an intentional approach, tapered with discipline, and hold fast to a self restraint that keeps tempo and focus of goal in check. There is an art to listening just as their is an art to golf. Listning is a form of love.  It shows someone that you care by trying to understand their message, and listening also shows that you respect the other person for their insights. To listen is to love and strengthen a connection in a relationship.   

Here are some suggested points in being a better listener.  

1) Listen with your eyes and your posture- don't be in a hurry and be sidetracked with phone or computer or some chore that has not yet been completed.  Pay attention, full attention.

2) Be patient- do not respond quickly, wait and absorb what has been and before you offer advise make sure you understand the message

3) Give feedback- ask questions, validate what you have heard

4) Watch for non verbal communication - it has been said that 75% of communication is done by body language

5) Do not redirect the attention to yourself- seems like we always have a better story, keep your priority on understanding what the speaker is trying to communicate

I do love to hear the sound of a golfball well hit, but in order for that to happen it does take intentionality and focus on what has been learned and taught in the past and put into action on the  course.  Same goes with good communication, it only can happen when lessons learned and taught in the past of good listening are brought to and practiced at the forefront of conversation. It is a learned skill that takes practice and as long as there is a God driven will to enhance that ability, it is sure to better any relationship.  

Dear Lord, Help us to become better listeners and not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Amen  

Praise God wherever you are and whatever situation He has allowed you to be in . . . His glory will shine through!