Knowing

I had two missed calls from her when I finally got back to my phone. Jennifer and Molly were co-hosting a fund raising event that evening and though I had asked over and over what I could do to help, I had not yet been given a spot. I called and said when do you want me to pick up baby Molly, right now if you can. I know my kids, and knew that she would not have called not just once but twice because she was under the wire and needed some backup. Molly was coming in from Austin but not until later in the day. It was my pleasure and when I got there, Molly had settled into a video and Jennifer was working madly to assemble the center pieces. She said I have to leave to pick Catherine up in 15 minutes, and I said, do what you need to do, I have got you covered til three and Molly and I will gladly go to get Catherine. So the day turned into a girls day out. William was at a class at the Arboretum.

Our only errand was the grocery store, but even that was fun. Catherine got to pick out flowers for my house and Jenn's, she got to personally choose the bananas and of course we had to get the supplies for her bologna sandwich. The kids are just happy to be at my house. Not that anything special is going on, but I think it is just because it is a change of venue. Even Molly has a low ledge in the den that she can stand up and prop up and look out to the backyard. Catherine stayed busy mothering my Molly's American dolls that I had pulled from upstairs storage. We took a little walk, checked out some flowers in the front yard, and all ended up happily watching Charlie Brown.

I am only the grandmom, but the more that I am blessed to hang around these precious children the better I get to know them and the more I enjoy them. Their personalities, their comments, their likes and dislikes, their interests, the way they see things etc. What joy to not only be associated with them but to know them. Just as I spend time with my kids and grandkids, watching , listening, occasion counseling and sharing in experiences new and old, I know that is how God is with me. The more time that I spend with him, the better I get to know him. I learn of his ways and watch as he unfolds one provision after another in accordance with his plans and his purposes.

But what really touches my heart is knowing that God knows me, personally. He knows my every thoughts, sees my every action, gathers my every tear, and smiles upon my every joy. He watches, listens and loves in ways that are abounding in his grace. It is really hard to conceive the fact that I am precious in His eyes, the God of all Gods, the King of the Universe, the Holy of most Holy, and that he cares about the things that I care about no matter how essential or non essential they may be. It is such an overwhelming truth that I, in my finite imagination, can not wrap my arms around it. God has created me and packaged me with gifts that he has personally designed, for purposes that only he knows. He is a trusted companion who truthfully guides me through his word when I am struggling for answers and holds my hand when I am in forced into unknown territory, and anxious about the future.

I know how much I adore my children and grandchildren, and I would do anything for them.But I am limited in ability, in patience, in grace, in strength, in wisdom and even in my love. Christ has no limits. His love is boundless, as is his wisdom and strength and power. God's love for HIS children does not even begin to compare to mine. I was taught long ago that children are only on loan to us from our heavenly Father. And sometimes I cannot help but think that I am so unworthy of the responsibility he has given me because I am so inadequate on so many fronts. Oh, but then I remember that if they are only on loan then God will certainly cover my mistakes with the blood of his ultimate forgiveness and build them up and fill in the voids and needs that I have left unmet and grow them according to his glory.

I have to surrender my limited persuasion to his unlimited might. For I trust that God will overshadow my parenting and parent my children and grandchildren from above as he grows them and builds them through their trials and joys.

My prayer is that God will:
1) Fortify them with His faith,
2) Fill them with His trust
3) Embody them with His strength,
4) Set their feet upon His unwavering rock of truth
5) Give them desire and courage to obey his will

so they may go forth in confidence knowing that there is no situation too hard for God to help them overcome. And may he do the same for me and all who call upon His name.

Dear Lord, Thank you for loving your children, all of us as you do. Help us to submit to your ways, be humbled by your convictions, repent of our sins and be transformed by your love. Amen