Gun

Rewrite from May '09.

Load, aim and fire! I am reading a book entitled "Strengthening the Soul of your Leadership" by Ruth Hayley Barton. At first I thought this book isn't for me because I am not a pastor, or a bible study leader or a missionary etc...but I quickly came to realize that any of us who have an impact on someone else is a leader. Moms, dads, friends, teachers, even the grocery store clerk might have an unnoticed impact. And the thing is we have a choice in how we behave and what we say that will make either a positive impact or a negative one. It is the same with what we do with what we know of God's word. Some use their bible knowledge as a gun....they load, aim and fire the words of God with an intent to destroy (tear down) rather than to construct (build up). Whereas others study God's word, absorb his word and try quietly to apply it to themselves instead of using it for a means of target practice on others. I have to ask...what category do I find myself in?

As I was reading this book I came across a story that I found to be quite revealing...about a monk...and I am sharing it with you because it has a great insight. It reads as follows:

I saw a monk working alone in the vegetable garden. I squatted down beside him and said, "brother what is your dream?" He just looked straight at me. What a beautiful face he had.
"I would like to become a monk" he answered.
"But brother you are a monk, aren't you?"
"I have been here for 25 years but I still carry a gun." He drew a revolver from a holster under his robe. It looked so strange; a monk carrying a gun.
"And they won't - are you saying they won't let you become a monk until you give up your gun?"
"No, its not that...most of them don't even know I have it, but I know."
"Well then why don't you give it up?"
"I guess I have had it so long, I've been hurt a lot, and I have hurt a lot of others. I don't think I would be comfortable without the gun."
"But you seem pretty uncomfortable with it."
"Yes, pretty uncomfortable, but I have my dream."
"Why don't you give me the gun?" I whispered. I was beginning to tremble.
He did. He gave it to me. His tears ran down to the ground and he embraced me.

"Putting the Gun Down" - page 56

"Most of us have a gun - someway of protecting ourselves and making ourselves feel safe, hidden under our leadership persona. It is fairly easy to keep our gun hidden most of the time but we know that it is there and it is incongruent with the person God is calling us to be. We also know that if it were to "go off" unexpectedly, it would do great damage. We are uncomfortable living with it but we are afraid to live without it. Sometimes we let ourselves dream of being free, of traveling without the need to pack a weapon. Holding on to our self-protective patterns is one manifestation of our unwillingness to surrender ourselves to God for the journey that is ahead.

But there is another desire that is greater than our desire to be safe. It is the desire to abandon ourselves to God and to the life to which he is calling us. It is a desire to leave Egypt and journey with others to the Promised Land. Sometimes we hear God whisper, "Why don't you give me the gun?" We feel ourselves trembling with longing and with possibility, with fear and with hope. He waits quietly, patiently. As we are ready, we give him the behavior pattern, that sin which we relied on all these years, our tears running down to the ground. At least for a moment we let ourselves feel what it is like to be free."

Ruth's basis for the foundation of this book is the example of Moses and his journey with God...She has some insights into his journey that I have never considered and I have been blessed to give thought to. This gun example was one that hit me because I had just recently expressed my opinion to someone about that very thing....but I had not looked at the broader picture of the gun representing the big picture of pain and experience that has molded me or someone else...I had limited it to being a weapon of intent malice not a weapon of defence. Guess it could be used for both...but this story made me realize that we all carry weapons...for our varied reasons...and we use them... and they do sometimes "go off" unexpectedly. They are frankly just not safe...for anybody.

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

God is quietly asking for me to surrender my weapon...to lay it down at his feet for his feet. It is a trade....we lay down our weapons and God gives us freedom to live through His spirit and surrounded by his grace. Something tangible for something intangible...or so it seems at the beginning...then we slowly realize that God's provisions are boundless...and powerful and peaceful and serve as solid foundations for faith....as a child of God as and an impact as a leader. Moral of this story... Pack your pockets with prayer not weapons...

Dear Lord, Thank you for the powerful stories that you give to us to help us understand what is it that you want us to surrender. Let us come to you in silence and solitude and be willing to let you enter our hearts and show us the places that we need to unlock and release. And then Lord help us to have the courage to walk without binding weapons onto the path that you have directed us to go. Amen
Praise God wherever you are and whatever situation He has allowed you to be in . . . His glory will shine through!